Hey everyone it’s bi visibility day

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So it’s bisexuality visibility day, bisexual pride day etc.

I am bi-sexual I think pretty much everyone I know is aware of this. I am lucky that I am comfortable telling the world this. I wasn’t always so comfortable.

I have been told I am confused (oh yes that still happens) and I will make up my mind one day. I have been told that I am clearly straight as I am married. I have been told I am not welcome in gay venues because I was with a guy.

But today isn’t just about me (shocking) it’s about making all bisexuals visible to other communities. It’s about celebrating our past, the present and our future. It’s about recognition and making things better.

So a little history. Hopefully all of this is accurate (I can’t promise anything).

This day was just observed in 1999 as a response to prejudice in the straight and gay communities. It started in the states but is now celebrated in Canada, Australia, Japan, Germany, New Zealand, Sweden and the United Kingdom. The day aims to provide a platform to the bisexual community and their supporters and to bring global attention to the social, economic and cultural prejudices and challenges faced by bisexual people. Events held over the years include discussions, conferences and workshops. LGBT organisations have held public education programmes.

Present we are more visible than before but still suffer from biphobia on a large scale. Biphobic ideas include

Denial
A lot of people say bisexuality doesn’t really exist that you are either straight or gay and anything else is just confusion, being in the closet, being purposely awkward etc.

Promiscuity
The claim that bisexuals are just after as much as they can get and will do anything with anyone without discrimination. They are incapable if just being with one person and being faithful. They are less careful and more likely to not use protection.

Hopefully in the future bisexuality will not be seen with such negative stereotypes.

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Leanan sidhe

I go by the name Belisana Leanan Sidhe. I took on this name years ago when I was very young because someone else called me it and I liked it. I have researched it’s origin over the years.

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I thought I would pop all the things I have found in one place just for myself.

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I very much love that I found a Brian Froud depicting of her.

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Also spelt Leanhaun Shee, lannan Shee, lhiannan Shee,

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The leannán sídhe is generally depicted as a beautiful muse, who offers inspiration to an artist in exchange for their love and devotion; however, this frequently results in madness for the artist, as well as premature death.

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The Leanhaun Shee (fairy mistress) seeks the love of mortals. If they refuse, she must be their slave; if they consent, they are hers, and can only escape by finding another to take their place. The fairy lives on their life, and they waste away. Death is no escape from her. She is the Gaelic muse, for she gives inspiration to those she persecutes. The Gaelic poets die young, for she is restless, and will not let them remain long on earth—this malignant phantom.

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Poem

Poor Sean died a week ago.
He’s buried by the sea;
Some point the blame on his weak heart
But I blame Leanansidhe.

He was not one to be forgotten
With his hair of curly gold;
His smile had yet to lose its sparkle,
His eyes were never cold.

The poor fool was a writer
And his character was merry;
But that all changed when he met
That cruel blood-sucking faery.

Leanansidhe, inspirer of poets
And artists, far and wide;
She saw dear Sean’s great warm heart
And dove deeply inside.

“Oh my love,” cooed Leanansidhe,
“You have such amazing talent; 
Why don’t you write of knights of armor
And other things so gallant?”

Her sweet words worked for quite a while
She charmed him through and through;
But it wasn’t long until her magic
Turned Sean’s red heart to blue.

Sean became cold and bitter,
His life force quickly drained;
Then Leanansidhe bit his neck
And drank all that remained.

Poor Sean died a week ago.
He’s buried by the sea;
Though some may think me crazy,
I know it was Leanansidhe.

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A celtic muse possessing a dark unearthly beauty.  Her name translates as my inspiration faery. Resides under the Irish Sea roams at night looking for a lover. Lovers suffer a keen longing in her absence, they burn brightly but without endurance so they expire quickly. This is the price of her gift a great heartbreak or sorrow caused by her leaving but not by malicious intent.

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Her lovers consider her attentions a gift and a wonderful improvement to their art but cause a self destructive nature leaving the belief she is evil. She has been likened to a vampire ruining a lovers body and soul. All others become lifeless and dull by comparison by all who have seen her beauty.

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This beautiful sinister being is wrapped in mystery, confusion, syncretism and shadows. Over time, vampire characteristics were becoming more and more present. It is believed that she does not drink the blood of the victims, but the stores in her cauldron, which would be the source of its beauty and its power to inspire. Other strands say she sucks the blood of common people to feed, but his chosen artists suck your life force, causing them to death. It is also said that Leanan often develops an instinct of protection towards the artist inspires. This ratio can even reach the point where the fairy would fall by his protégé. 

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Appears both as a woman and a man and charisma attracts far more than just stemming from its incomparable beauty.The essence of this offers an aura of life, even more intense than the other fairy creatures. Only the fairy people are able to freely see their natural form, which is shockingly beautiful. Leanan sidhe appear before mortals but in a different form (still captivatingly beautiful), chosen as the best for the “protégé”. It can take the form of both women and men, of any race and is always exceptionally beautiful representative of this nation.

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There are also several reports of this fairy taking human form and being able to inspire men to war. A traditional history attached to Leanan Sidhe realizes his influence with the King of Eugene Munster. Taking human form and assuming the identity of a poet called Eodain, she would have inspired the King so that he was able to completely defeat their enemies.

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A beautiful otherworld woman who stole young men for her pleasure, first in erotic dreams, then in the earthly world to lead the victim to her fairy palace. There the lover danced to fairy tunes, ate food more delicious than any known on earth, and drank delectable wine that never made one drunk. Should a man live through his return, food had no taste, and music no melody.

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She is intelligence and creativity, art and magic. In this earthly realm, so embraced with fear of the erotic and the sensual, it is no wonder she who is the embodiment of these very qualities, has been considered dangerous and evil, as many woman have been considered evil who revel in their mystery, power and dark exotic beauty.

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I found lots of little bits of info and would love to know if anyone knows any more.

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The Song of the Leanan Sidhe

BrennaGwyn of the Children of Twilight, Based on Heather Alexander’s “Creature of the Wood”

I am a creature of the Fey
Prepare to give your soul away 
My spell is passion and it is art 
My song can bind a human heart 
And if you chance to know my face 
My hold shall be your last embrace. 

I shall be thy lover… 

I am unlike a mortal lass 
From dreams of longing I have passed 
I came upon your lonely cries 
Revealed beauty to your eyes 
So shun the world that you have known 
And spend your nights within my own. 

I shall be thy lover… 

You shall be known by other men 
For your great works of voice and pen 
Yet inspiration has a cost 
For with me know your soul is lost 
I’ll take your passion and your skill 
I’ll take your young life quicker still. 

I shall be thy lover… 

Through the kisses that I give 
I draw from you that I will live 
The touch of death, your lover’s hand 
Your will to live has come too late 
Come to my arms, and love this fate! 

I shall be thy lover… 

I am a creature of the Fey 
Prepare to give your soul away 
My spell is passion and it is art 
My song can bind a human heart 
And if you chance to know my face 
My hold shall be your last embrace. 

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No way out

There’s no way out because I am well aware the problem is in my head. It is never going to go away. It might never get any easier than it is right now.

I can see exactly why people take their own lives sitting here in this moment.

My head hurts, it’s spinning my world is a mess. I don’t know how to talk to anyone. No one understands. So I sit here with my cat. My husband and my son are already sleeping and I love them so much, I know exactly how blessed I am to have them. I can’t help thinking they would be so much better off without me though. I am completely insane, my bipolar is causing so much strain on my life and my relationships recently. None of my usual coping mechanisms are doing anything.
I don’t know what to do. I am sat here crying in possibly the worst state I have been in years and I have been telling everyone all day that everything is fine. It’s not everything is far from fine. Why couldn’t I say that to my friends? To my husband? To my mum? Why do I have to feel like this? Will it always be this way? Will I live with this feeling into old age?

That is if I make it to old age. I found out today there is a problem with my blood test results and I need to go back to the haematology specialist on wednesday so my treatment may be failing already or my cancer may not have gone away as was thought before or a million and one other things.

I am rambling on my blog just to be doing something because I might scream otherwise at best and at worst I have no idea what I could do. I need to sleep but there is no way that will happen.

I know I am lucky but right now life doesn’t seem worth living.