I have been married for nearly 8 years. Our relationship has always been poly, it is very fluid and flexible. We discuss everything and we always know where we stand. I recently realised that I think so little now on how this relationship works because it does naturally and very well due to the way we are. This is probably not productive to any new relationships I enter into, as I don’t give enough information about how I think poly works, resulting in confusion and crossed wires.
I decided it might be a good idea to sit and talk things through with my husband, to make sure we are on the same page still and so I can clearly define things to people who need the details. We decided to write it down so its easy to share.
We have come to this agreement of how poly works for us over a number of years, many things have changed over that time but most is the same as when we started out, we possibly have less rules now and things are more guidelines with flexibility.
- Any type of relationship is allowed, to any level.
- We do not need to be each others singularly most important relationship, steady partners are all equal, their needs and feelings are just as important.
- At the beginning of a relationship partners are allowed to give their opinion on potential partners and veto them within reason.
- All new partners must be told about current partners and must be poly positive. Details of other relationships must be given if asked.
- Relationships are allowed to form and progress naturally, without limitations on how far they can go.
- We do not become involved with anyone who is not respectful of current relationships. Everyone must continue this respect.
- We communicate about everything, often and honestly. If there is any fear, jealousy or other problems we discuss it and deal with things as soon as possible finding solutions that benefit everyone if possible.
- We are mainly out about our being poly, there are a few exceptions to this, it is preferred if potential partners are also out.
- We have no issues with seeing partners being affectionate or them doing so publically.
- There are no sexual comparisons made, it is not a contest.
- We try our best to find time for all partners, making sure everyone gets enough attention. There is no cancelling on one partner to spend time with another.
- Condoms/protection must be used by all partners outside of the marriage.
- We must get regularly tested, if possible exposure to STD happens all partners must be notified immediately.
- All play must be performed as safely as possible.
- Edge play is only allowed in committed relationships.