The Ethical Slut, Your magic wand

This exercise is a little weird for me it asks me to imagine I am as strong, brave and independent as I like then look at how my boundaries and wants would be different and imagine telling those you love what your limits are.

Now I have always prided myself on being strong, brave and independent and think I am reasonably happy with these levels in myself at present so I am as strong etc as I would like to be. This makes me wonder how many people wish they were stronger and then how many of them just don’t realise how strong they already are. I never thought I was a particularly strong person till I sat down recently and looked back at everything I have gone through and thought I am still standing I have a few more scars but I am here this has taken great strength. When I have a bad day with my bipolar it doesn’t make me a weaker person because I deal with it.

I don’t think if I was stronger my boundaries and limits would be any different I am very aware of what I need from partners and friends, I hold both to high standards and if they don’t meet my limits and expectations I always tell them so I would have no problem telling those I love my limits. I have learnt that this is unusual and lots of people struggle to tell people what they want or need from them, I can’t imagine living like that it would be so much more awkward.

The ethical slut exercise 2, Why sluthood? Why not? (List with help from Tink)

Reasons why people may be sluts

*sex is fun π
*sex is good for your health π
*I like kissing π
*I do not love monogamously π
*I like persons π
*I like making sexual connections with people π
*it feels free π
*I am in control of who touches my body π
*extra cuddles π
*sex is proven to be good for your skin
*sex is great exercise π
*sex helps with depression
*I get different things sexually from different people π
*I like cock and cunt π
*I don’t like feeling tied down, unless well I am actually tied down π
*I like showing off my butt π
*I get to know things about people I wouldn’t otherwise π
*seeing lots of beautiful people naked π
*intimacy feels nice π
*it makes me happy π
*I make others happy and feel good π
*orgasms πππππππππππ
*entertainment
*I like being playful π
*learning more about my sexual desires π
*extra love π
*closeness π
*being touched is fun π
*flirting is fun π
*I believe monogamy isn’t the norm for primates π
*I was taught to share
*I don’t need control over my partner π
*I like variety π
*for spiritual advancement
*to challenge society
*because I have a strong sexual appetite π
*more caring supportive people in your life π
*group sex rocks π
*feels natural π
*I believe in love π
*pheromones
*being sex positive π
*licking people
*it pisses prudes off ¥
*practice makes perfect
*stress relief
*try new things π
*curiosity π
*revenge ¥
*boost self esteem ¥
*because boobs ππππππ
*power ¥
*empowerment π
*affection π
*peer pressure ¥
*increase immune system
*acceptance ¥
*exciting π
*rebellion ¥
*improve sexual technique π
*daddy issues ¥
*male approval ¥
*cash gains ¥
*sexual addiction ¥
*people smell nice π

I will mark ones I think describe the type of slut I don’t want to be with ¥
Ones I think are good reasons with π

Sluts we know and love

I am reading the ethical slut and thought  I best have a go at the exercises. Here is the first one.

Sluts we know and love.

I am lucky in that I know a vast number of ethical sluts, sadly I know some less ethical ones too but never mind this is a post I intend to make sure is positive.

I am going to start close to home the people I am most happy are ethical sluts are those I am involved with, H, bf and Bob. All of whom are wonderful honest people who I trust.

I’m going to move onto the many poly people I know in the fetish community, making special mention of bmb  a good friend of mine who is very open and proud of her slutiness.

I also have some non fetish community friends who are poly but not very many. A lot of these people hide it from those close to them which I think must be terribly hard.

I know a lot of people who sleep around, swing, play, have one night stands and fuck buddies when they are single but are monogamous once they connect with someone which is cool a few of these people would like to do poly but can’t get around the jealousy once they are emotionally involved with someone.

Now sluts in the media this is more difficult for me as I don’t pay much attention to the media in general. Obviously there is Dossie Easton who wrote the ethical slut I have to say I am pretty impressed with her right now. Alfred Kinsey and Clara Bracken McMillen had an open marriage which I find interesting along with his sexology studies. I have heard that Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer are reported to as well but I don’t know if that is in fact true.

Non monogamous characters are easy for me to think of some of my favourite non monogamous characters are from Laurell K Hamilton books where she shows some of the many issues non monogamy can cause but with very fantasy based characters, wolves, vampires, faeries and ancient gods being amongst my favourites. Amusingly Rita and Sue and Bob too always sticks in my head as possibly the first time I saw poly portrayed on tv but I don’t think it was a wonderful portrayal. Actually thinking about it one of the most healthy portrayals I have seen of poly was in elf quest books where several elves lifemate  with two others, these relationships were balanced, loving and dealt with jealous well. It comes up lots in the bible only frowned upon in certain instances which is interesting as the catholic church isn’t fond of poly.

Star trek has a few civilisations where poly is the norm, andorians have four person family units as standard not couples (they also have four sexes), denobulans have no concern for marital fidelity and it is mentioned more in the books which indicate that group marriage becomes legal on earth. Mollari in Babylon 5 had several wives but he loved non of them and is in love with his mistress, they were arranged marriages. I saw a poly relationship briefly on futurama. I may have just realised how geeky I am.

There are also lots of references to non monogamy in lots of ancient cultures and myths from the Greeks, romans, norse , egyptians, celts and many more.

As if this wasn’t hard enough

There’s something a few people know and it really is only a few. It’s something that has been hard for me to tell anyone and even harder for me to deal with. I have a blood disorder aplastic anemia and it has entirely changed my life.

I found out on top of it I had Myelodysplastic Syndromes (MDS) which needed to be treated with chemotherapy, which would be extra difficult with my condition as both lower the amount of blood cells and platelets you have. I am now finished with the chemo, fingers crossed one test left. It has been a rough journey but lots of wonderful people have helped me along the way. I have wonderful friends, family and partners. I have met some great medical professionals, I honestly think they couldn’t have been better especially the poor nurse I emptied my stomach on during my first session.

So today the hardest part of it all happened someone close to me who I really care about, one of the few people I trusted to tell. Accused me of lying because I still have hair. I don’t still have all of my hair I shaved bits of it as they were the patches that were falling out, I cut it short and what’s left of it is much thinner but yes I am lucky to have some left. I am lucky that my wonderful doctor picked a chemo drug for me that doesn’t make all your hair fall out. I am lucky that I am still alive thanks to the wonderful doctors but I didn’t need this attitude it has broken my heart more than a little. So to anyone who thinks I would make a thing like this up I am adding a link to the drug I was being given where is specifically says you are unlikely to lose all your hair. Also fuck you.

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Cancertreatment/Treatmenttypes/Chemotherapy/Individualdrugs/Vinblastine.aspx

Happy week 4

Day 22 (running really late now) my lovely husband and my cat asleep on my feet

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Day 23 ridiculous faces on the way to pick little one up after 5 nights at camp thanks for the lift

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Day 24 rum……

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Day 25 birthday cake at last

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Day 26 coming home to fluffy mcfluffson

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Day 27 my lovely tink came to look after me

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Day 28 prepping for pin up

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Another awesome week.

Boobs on Facebook

So if you post your boobs on Facebook you get reported. This is because it’s against their terms and conditions. They do check if your picture violates these terms. You can moan and complain about it all you want buy at the end of the day you are using a free website aimed at people 13+ if I remember rightly not an adult site. So pretty much get over it you can showcase your tits elsewhere.

Things I have heard on this topic today.

We should be able to see who has reported our pics I completely disagree with this if reporting wasn’t anonymous then bullying, hateful and completely inappropriate post wouldn’t get removed because people didn’t want trouble.

But men can show their chests, this I think is a completely valid argument but if you truly believe we should all be allowed to show our bodies equally then join an anti misogyny group and do something about it.

But it’s my Facebook, well no its a profile of you on someone else’s site and you have to stick to their terms.

So yet again I think my point boils down to stop moaning and fight misogyny.