Another week of happy days

Hundredhappydays week 3

Day 15  this is my son’s beautiful hair grown for three years and cut off to send to little princess trust for little girls who lost their hair to cancer, proud mum face day


Day 16 my overprotective and jealous cat sitting between me and anyone who comes into the house


Day 17 practicing my rope skills on tink with raspberry laces


Day 18 being the kind of crazy that doesn’t like standing on a bridge but will wade into a river


Day 19 being photo bombed by my silly husband


Day 20 a bit of a ropey photoshoot lol with tink


Day 21 fabulous new hair and a weekday party


So there we go another happy week


Yes all men

The last couple of days I have seen a lot of hash tags for #notallmen and #yesallwomen over some pretty serious issues. It got me thinking and today I thought #yesallmen are negatively affected by patriarchy. This is why for me feminism stands up for them too.

So yes all men:-

Have problems because the patriarchal ideal male should should be strong, dominant and invulnerable meaning they
-End up in dangerous situations because showing fear would be weak
-Deal with mental illness without help because emotional weakness is un manly
-Are more likely to commit suicide possibly due to this lack of help
-Seek medical help less often, so regularly make conditions worse
-Get pressured into doing risky things to prove their toughness
-Have violence aimed at them ignored
-Have less social services aimed at them and struggle to find the help they need in violent situations
-Feel they must be sole provider for their family even if they are sick or injured
-Feel they need to prove themselves with violence
-Are more likely to be seriously physically attacked but it isn’t portrayed that way in the media
-Can end up very lonely as they are not taught to relate to others
-Struggle if they do not have a dominant personality
-Do not feel they can form close friendships with females or non binary gendered people meaning they miss out on alot of awesome people they could have in their lives.
-Feel unloved by fathers because showing emotional attachments is a sign of weakness
-Don’t form as close connections to their children as the mothers do due to several patriarchal constraints
-Suffer from strained relationships due to inability to portray emotions
-Struggle to find the depth of friendship that women have
-Are not taught how to emotionally manage trauma in their lives so have less coping mechanisms
-Are considered lesser men if they don’t fit these ideals
-Are rejected by society if they don’t fit these ideals leading to insecurity, self hate, anxiety and stress which they feel they can not communicate to anyone as it will lessen their worth further
-Can’t take part in some hobbies without being seem as less than this ideal
-Feel very pressured to dress appropriately
-Don’t receive gifts in the same way that women do, are rarely bought flowers even though they may appreciate them
-Are perceived in a way that makes women less trusting of them
-Experience more financial stress within their family
-Are not getting as much time to connect with their children
-Are continually stero typed in degrading ways
-Miss out on important milestones in their children’s lives
-Are less welcome at children’s playgrounds
-Are found intimidating by women they don’t know making it more difficult to do simple things like ask for directions
-Are expected to make sure females get home safely even if this means taking a more dangerous route home themselves

These are just some of the negative effects of patriarchy on men so yes all men whether you like it or not and why I am can promise all the men in my life I am a feminist because I love them and they deserve better too.

Getting to know me

Facts about me that may or may not be of interest to people who read my blog but may help it make more sense when I write from now on.

1. I am Belisana, I am a genderqueer, pan sexual, pagan, mother, feminist, polyamorous, bipolar, kinky, switchy, cat, alternative, photographer, model…….
2. I have one child, a boy of 10 who will be called monkey from this point on
3. I am married to a wonderful man, have been for 8 years and together for a couple more than that, now known as H
4. I have a lovely boyfriend of just 2 1/2 months, now known as bf
5. I have a relationship forming with a wonderful woman but I am not sure where it is going, now known as bob
6. I write because I like to and I don’t mind if no one or everyone reads it
7. I am active on the local kink scene
8. I have a beautiful chosen sister, now known as tink.
9. I love my cat ivy more than I apparently should
10. I love my friends and have lots of them
11. I am having extensive medical treatment, no I don’t want to talk about it
12. I love to party
13. I live very much for the moment
14. I would love to change the world
15. I can think of nothing worse than being normal


16. This is my seal of approval so don’t worry I don’t need anyone else’s

“Not in a gay way”

How do other people feel about this phrase?

I saw a conversation on the Internets today that has royally pissed me off.

Person 1: awesomely funny joke
Person 2: dude you are so funny I love you
Person 1: cheers mate
Person 2: not in a gay way

Was this last line necessary? Was it not clear how person 2 felt about person 1? Without the phrase not in a gay way would person 1 have thought person 2 was professing their undying love? Would they have thought it was a sexual proposition or a marriage proposal? Personally I would have thought it was just a friendly expression of affection.

When I tell my sister I love her I don’t feel the need to point out its not in an incest way. I just assume she knows, I assume she infers it from the nature of our conversation and relationship.

Is it completely unacceptable for two people of the same gender to say they love each other?

Share your opinions people…..

Write into the light

I found an interesting site with blog prompts for inspiration for people with mental illness. I have had a nosy through and there are some really interesting ideas so I am going to do some of them.

If you could be any animal which would you choose to be?

I am a cat everyone I know is aware of this. I didn’t choose to be though I just am. I don’t know what animal I would be if I could choose that just seems odd, how funny being a cat by nature seems perfectly normal but picking to be an animal seems weird. I guess everyone has a line.

What does this animal represent to you?

Independence, loyalty, pride, playfulness, attitude, love, self awareness and protection.

What advantages and disadvantages does it have over other animals?

Advantages little to worry about, is happy in its place, does what it wants and pride mentality.
Disadvantages irritating, too proud and un thoughtful of others needs sometimes.

Is it possible or do you already emulate this animal’s positive qualities in your human life today?

I do and it’s negative ones.

Why or why not?

Not really sure why I just do, I have always connected with cats and had an affinity with them. I like my cat qualities, accepting them has been part of my journey into feeling better about myself.

Hundred happy days

Two weeks ago I started the hundred happy days challenge, to post a picture that made me happy everyday. I have found this really helpful as I started it two days after starting very nasty medical treatment and it is helping to remind me of all the happy things in my life even on difficult days. I have found myself with so many moments to pick from everyday it’s been amazing.

I wanted to compile the pics somewhere easier to look back at them so I decided I could pop them up here every two weeks.

Day 1 puppy kisses


Day 2
Seems to have disappeared
Day 3 a beautiful sunny lake when we thought we were going to get soaked on today’s shoot. 


Day 4 finding a new way to coat plastic guns, also translates to having geeky friends


Day 5 guillermo del toro day with my wonderful husband


Day 6 also disappeared (may have to compile more often)
Day 7 listening to the a life less lived goth box set and my son dancing to misfits


Day 8 reading a graphic novel my lovely boyfriend lent me on the grass in the sunshine, even if I did end up with muddy knees


Day 9 a day in the sun with my beautiful lady, we are drinking orange juice, sober and still look drunk


Day 10
random impromptu night out with sister, husband, boyfriend and all the other lovely people at Dusk Till Dawn


Day 11 so much to be happy about  I don’t even know where to start, lovely day with friends in the pub, bbq with friends in the evening, fire jam fun times at night. The delightful Victoria giving me beautiful shoes and letting me borrow her marvellous antlers. Julie  saying I am getting better at hooping and promising to make it happen by making me a belated birthday hoop to practice with. Seeing Matt  and his fire whips for the first time in ages. But the picture I will go with is still definitely the one from the day that makes me laugh most my tiny hands compared to the giant.


Day 12 sitting on a hill with a friend at sunset just because we can. Thanks Katie for a lovely time.


Day 13 taking a walk 5 minutes from my house


Day 14 me and the boyfriend pulling ridiculous faces to cheer up Lil sis


And that’s two weeks of happiness from me.

Poly for the old

Poly question

Do you think you will be poly when you are old? How would that work?

I think I will always be poly, it feels natural to me it is part of who I am. I don’t really know how it will work when I am old though because I struggle to picture being old at all. I don’t know how I will be when I am old I think I will have changed alot so my lifestyle will adapt also.

I know I will still be with my wonderful husband though and that we will be living however feels natural to us. I don’t know where my other relationships will be by then or if either of us will have met someone new to take into account. I can’t see into the future but I am looking forward to finding out how things will work.