Dear judgemental fuckwit

In the early hours of this morning a comment was left on my blog. My brain shouted yay people are reading my blog, this makes me happy. It was a nice happy post about polyamory and me. Whoop joy all round.

So I cheerfully pressed to read the comment. Here is what it said “I can fully understand why you would want to sleep with other people but you could at least have the decency to be quiet about it and save your husbands dignity.”

Well it is lovely of you to be so understanding and thinking of my husbands dignity but I can not be quiet about it, I am as a matter of fact rather vocal in the bedroom. It’s ok though my husband is rarely around when I am having sex with others so doesn’t usually hear it. On the odd occasions when he has though there is this little thing called compersion.

Compersion is A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.

This is a feeling my wonderful husband is more than capable of. He loves it when I am happy even when it is because someone else is pleasuring me. I much prefer it if all my partners feel like this, not doing has caused problems in the past.

Now I am actually well aware this is probably not what you meant. You are obviously of the affairs are ok but let’s not talk about it camp. Well I am most certainly not. My husband and I live in what we would think is a dignified relationship due it having complete and total honesty. To be honest though I don’t spend much time worrying about dignity as proven my your message whatever I do someone will think it’s undignified.

I shall just carry in living my open and honest life full of love thank you. Lies and hiding who I am don’t really work for me. Thanks for your advice though.

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The ethical slut exercise 2, Why sluthood? Why not? (List with help from Tink)

Reasons why people may be sluts

*sex is fun π
*sex is good for your health π
*I like kissing π
*I do not love monogamously π
*I like persons π
*I like making sexual connections with people π
*it feels free π
*I am in control of who touches my body π
*extra cuddles π
*sex is proven to be good for your skin
*sex is great exercise π
*sex helps with depression
*I get different things sexually from different people π
*I like cock and cunt π
*I don’t like feeling tied down, unless well I am actually tied down π
*I like showing off my butt π
*I get to know things about people I wouldn’t otherwise π
*seeing lots of beautiful people naked π
*intimacy feels nice π
*it makes me happy π
*I make others happy and feel good π
*orgasms πππππππππππ
*entertainment
*I like being playful π
*learning more about my sexual desires π
*extra love π
*closeness π
*being touched is fun π
*flirting is fun π
*I believe monogamy isn’t the norm for primates π
*I was taught to share
*I don’t need control over my partner π
*I like variety π
*for spiritual advancement
*to challenge society
*because I have a strong sexual appetite π
*more caring supportive people in your life π
*group sex rocks π
*feels natural π
*I believe in love π
*pheromones
*being sex positive π
*licking people
*it pisses prudes off ¥
*practice makes perfect
*stress relief
*try new things π
*curiosity π
*revenge ¥
*boost self esteem ¥
*because boobs ππππππ
*power ¥
*empowerment π
*affection π
*peer pressure ¥
*increase immune system
*acceptance ¥
*exciting π
*rebellion ¥
*improve sexual technique π
*daddy issues ¥
*male approval ¥
*cash gains ¥
*sexual addiction ¥
*people smell nice π

I will mark ones I think describe the type of slut I don’t want to be with ¥
Ones I think are good reasons with π

Poly for the old

Poly question

Do you think you will be poly when you are old? How would that work?

I think I will always be poly, it feels natural to me it is part of who I am. I don’t really know how it will work when I am old though because I struggle to picture being old at all. I don’t know how I will be when I am old I think I will have changed alot so my lifestyle will adapt also.

I know I will still be with my wonderful husband though and that we will be living however feels natural to us. I don’t know where my other relationships will be by then or if either of us will have met someone new to take into account. I can’t see into the future but I am looking forward to finding out how things will work.

Poly and STI’s

Poly question time again. This one was worded rather offensively but I shall answer it anyway.

Do you not worry about STI’s?

Simple answer yes.

Long answer

I worry about sexual diseases a lot. I always have. I deal with it in sensible mature ways though. Being poly has not really changed how I deal with my sexual health. I have always had safer sex not necessarily completely 100% risk free as that is basically impossible but as close as I could get. I have always been reasonably highly active sexually so I know I am at a higher risk in general.

Poly wise we deal with the possibility STI’s in my marriage by having firm rules on what is and isn’t allowed with other partners. We don’t allow penetrative sex with others in general without condoms and if one of us has been active with others (yes it’s usually me) we get tested regularly. These rules do not apply with a current partner he has been tested, is only currently active with me and so things are allowed that wouldn’t otherwise be, if he becomes  active with others this will change.

So yes I worry about STI’s and I deal with it like everything else I worry about in life.

The difference between polyamory, swinging and an open relationship.

Well I posted on my Facebook for people to ask me questions about Polyamory  and the first one I got was is it just sleeping around?
I can only state my understanding of it and how I feel this is in no way an everyone thinks the same thing.

For me polyamory is loving more than one person, it is forming relationships with strong connections and building on them just as you would in a monogamous relationship but you can do it with more than one person at a time.

An open relationship on the other hand can be just about sex, it can be having purely sexual relations with multiple people but not forming love connections.

Swinging is usually just about recreational sex, often both members of a couple going out to meet up with others to have sex. Sometimes swingers have long lasting relationships with a third person or a couple who they swing with, sometimes they have sex with a different individual or couple every time and everything in between.

Some relationships fall into more than one of these categories, some fall somewhere in between.

Now I personally am poly I occasionally have casual sex and am allowed to within my relationship dynamics. I mainly choose to do sexual play with people I know well though, casual sex doesn’t make me particularly happy unless it’s with a good friend. So I fall between poly and open. I have also been to swingers clubs but only for specialist events so I wouldn’t count myself as a swinger.

So the short answer is for some it’s probably just about sex but not for me.

Poly And Us

I have been married for nearly 8 years. Our relationship has always been poly, it is very fluid and flexible. We discuss everything and we always know where we stand. I recently realised that I think so little now on how this relationship works because it does naturally and very well due to the way we are. This is probably not productive to any new relationships I enter into, as I don’t give enough information about how I think poly works, resulting in confusion and crossed wires.

I decided it might be a good idea to sit and talk things through with my husband, to make sure we are on the same page still and so I can clearly define things to people who need the details. We decided to write it down so its easy to share.

We have come to this agreement of how poly works for us over a number of years, many things have changed over that time but most is the same as when we started out, we possibly have less rules now and things are more guidelines with flexibility.

  • Any type of relationship is allowed, to any level.
  • We do not need to be each others singularly most important relationship, steady partners are all equal, their needs and feelings are just as important.
  • At the beginning of a relationship partners are allowed to give their opinion on potential partners and veto them within reason.
  • All new partners must be told about current partners and must be poly positive. Details of other relationships must be given if asked.
  • Relationships are allowed to form and progress naturally, without limitations on how far they can go.
  • We do not become involved with anyone who is not respectful of current relationships. Everyone must continue this respect.
  • We communicate about everything, often and honestly. If there is any fear, jealousy or other problems we discuss it and deal with things as soon as possible finding solutions that benefit everyone if possible.
  • We are mainly out about our being poly, there are a few exceptions to this, it is preferred if potential partners are also out.
  • We have no issues with seeing partners being affectionate or them doing so publically.
  • There are no sexual comparisons made, it is not a contest.
  • We try our best to find time for all partners, making sure everyone gets enough attention. There is no cancelling on one partner to spend time with another.

Safety rules

  • Condoms/protection must be used by all partners outside of the marriage.
  • We must get regularly tested, if possible exposure to STD happens all partners must be notified immediately.
  • All play must be performed as safely as possible.
  • Edge play is only allowed in committed relationships.