No break ups aren’t easier

So today someone suggested that my recent break up didn’t hurt me because I have other partners. This is a ridiculous statement.

Does having more than one friend make it hurt less when you lose one? Does having more than one pet make it hurt less if you lose one? What about siblings, parents etc? Why just because I am intimate with someone does that suddenly change?

You wouldn’t say to someone oh it’s ok you have another one in any other type of relationship please don’t do it to me. I may do a good job of hiding it but I am hurting. I don’t need your opinion on my relationships at the best of times even less so right now.

Having more than one partner does mean I have someone to cry to when it hurts, someone to give me a hug and comfort me but so does having a best friend. They help in a similar way. It’s distracting and helps me think things through but it doesn’t magically make it not hurt. I have still lost a huge part of my life. I am still just as upset as I would be had they been my only partner. Break ups suck even when you know it’s the right thing to do and being poly doesn’t change that it just means I am lucky to have an amazing support network.

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Poly holiday season

This will be the first Christmas together for my poly family. I have always been poly but this is the first year it will make a difference to the festive season. So I thought I would make a daily record of how it’s going.

So far we have done a joint meat order of unusual meats for yule. We have decided when we will be visiting who and made basic plans. I have started making Christmas food and wrapping presents. Everything so far is going smoothly and there have been no troubles. Living in a poly household seems so much easier than the internet made me believe. Update for you all later.

The boyfriend moving in

About 2 months ago my boyfriend moved in with me, my husband and our son. It’s been an interesting time for everyone. Before he moved in me nd my sister read lots of stuff online about poly families living together etc. It sounded terrible almost all the stuff I could find talked about the bad points, reasons it could fail and the amount of times it had fallen apart.

So I thought I would write this little piece to say it’s been great. I mean don’t get me wrong there have been teething problems but only the same kind as you get living with anyone new anyway like things being put back in the wrong place. It’s been awesome though.

Here is my list of wonderful things about living with both my partners.

1. I don’t have to pick who to spend time with everyday.
2. I can have film night with both of them and no one misses out on a good film.
3. More people to share tasks like washing up.
4. I love cooking big family meals and having more people around vastly improves that.
5. Getting a kiss goodnight from both of them.
6. Getting a kiss good morning from both of them.
7. Feeling incredibly loved.
8. No time wasted travelling back and forth between partners, also no travel cost and no babysitter needed.
9. My partners getting to know each other better.
10. Has to be said SEX when we want not when I can spare time to get over to see one partner.
11. Almost everything. Seriously it’s working for us.

Yay poly group living is working so far.

Pagan Pride

Firstly this was a wonderful event. Everyone I spoke to was lovely. It was suitable for all ages so I took my son. As it was a pagan event I obviously went with my husband and boyfriend them both being vikings. I only got a couple of funny looks for clearly being with both of them or maybe the looks were to do with the antlers, so I would say it was poly friendly I would say they were everything friendly I don’t think there is anyone who wouldn’t have been welcome. I am sure I saw it stated somewhere that you didn’t even have to be pagan just respectful.

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So we turned up at the starting point for the parade. As soon as we were off the tram people started talking to us, helping each other find exactly where we were going. There was a huge sense of community spirit which I have missed having not been to a pagan event for a while.  We easily found the rest of the parade mainly because from round the corner you could hear the delightful Esme getting everyone in the mood.  There were at least 100 people just gathered around talking, laughing and looking very happy. I saw some of the best outfits I had in ages, people had made a real effort there were fairies, robes, corsets, steampunk outfits, belly dancers and traditional period costumes amongst other things. I myself was dressed in green with antlers. The parade was great I think all in all there must have been several hundred people involved.
The people we passed in the street cheered and smiled and looked like they enjoyed seeing us pass by. It was lovely.

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Once in the park we saw loads of stalls, speaking tents, music in the band stand, an arts tent and a children’s area. There were so many talks, bands and dancers we really struggled to pick what we wanted to see. In the end we saw James J Turner who was a lovely way to start the day, then a little bit of Red Fire Ants who I thought were fantastic and had a really interesting sound. The first talk we went to was Taz Thornton-Clearwater- Remembering Our Forgotten Lands this was definitely mine and my sons favourite of the day. I love the animated way she speaks and the amount of passion she has for what she is talking to. We did some journeying during this session which all four of us got something from me and little one especially as the journeying involved local dragon spirits and that is something we have discussed before and he is very interested in. After the journeying we talked about our experiences and she really took what he had to say seriously which made him so happy and I really appreciate, although I do believe she was genuinely interested in what he had to say. He has talked of dragons to everyone since it has been pretty amazing.

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We also saw Barbara Meiklejohn-Free – The Power Of The Wise who did some more journeying which little one and the husband took part in and both definitely got something from. The last talk we saw was Dean Kirkland – Yggdrasil’s Road; Shamanism and The Northern Tradition which was interesting, recapped lots I already knew, which made me realise how much I have learnt about the northern tradition over the years and I learnt a few new things.  We also saw some of Way of the Wyrd Morris Dance, BlackPeacock BellyDance and Beatrice Flowers Tribal Bellydance who were all fantasic. We met The Dragon Keeper and Frazzles the dragon who sang for my son which made him very happy.

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There were so many stalls I am not sure I saw them all but I bought some lovely mead from The Lancashire Mead Company who gave tasters of everything so I could pick the ones I liked, I also bought a lovely new scrying bowl from The Green Man Pottery and a present for my sister Tink. There was so much I didn’t see and I will definitely be going again next year.

The ethical slut exercise 2, Why sluthood? Why not? (List with help from Tink)

Reasons why people may be sluts

*sex is fun π
*sex is good for your health π
*I like kissing π
*I do not love monogamously π
*I like persons π
*I like making sexual connections with people π
*it feels free π
*I am in control of who touches my body π
*extra cuddles π
*sex is proven to be good for your skin
*sex is great exercise π
*sex helps with depression
*I get different things sexually from different people π
*I like cock and cunt π
*I don’t like feeling tied down, unless well I am actually tied down π
*I like showing off my butt π
*I get to know things about people I wouldn’t otherwise π
*seeing lots of beautiful people naked π
*intimacy feels nice π
*it makes me happy π
*I make others happy and feel good π
*orgasms πππππππππππ
*entertainment
*I like being playful π
*learning more about my sexual desires π
*extra love π
*closeness π
*being touched is fun π
*flirting is fun π
*I believe monogamy isn’t the norm for primates π
*I was taught to share
*I don’t need control over my partner π
*I like variety π
*for spiritual advancement
*to challenge society
*because I have a strong sexual appetite π
*more caring supportive people in your life π
*group sex rocks π
*feels natural π
*I believe in love π
*pheromones
*being sex positive π
*licking people
*it pisses prudes off ¥
*practice makes perfect
*stress relief
*try new things π
*curiosity π
*revenge ¥
*boost self esteem ¥
*because boobs ππππππ
*power ¥
*empowerment π
*affection π
*peer pressure ¥
*increase immune system
*acceptance ¥
*exciting π
*rebellion ¥
*improve sexual technique π
*daddy issues ¥
*male approval ¥
*cash gains ¥
*sexual addiction ¥
*people smell nice π

I will mark ones I think describe the type of slut I don’t want to be with ¥
Ones I think are good reasons with π

Sluts we know and love

I am reading the ethical slut and thought  I best have a go at the exercises. Here is the first one.

Sluts we know and love.

I am lucky in that I know a vast number of ethical sluts, sadly I know some less ethical ones too but never mind this is a post I intend to make sure is positive.

I am going to start close to home the people I am most happy are ethical sluts are those I am involved with, H, bf and Bob. All of whom are wonderful honest people who I trust.

I’m going to move onto the many poly people I know in the fetish community, making special mention of bmb  a good friend of mine who is very open and proud of her slutiness.

I also have some non fetish community friends who are poly but not very many. A lot of these people hide it from those close to them which I think must be terribly hard.

I know a lot of people who sleep around, swing, play, have one night stands and fuck buddies when they are single but are monogamous once they connect with someone which is cool a few of these people would like to do poly but can’t get around the jealousy once they are emotionally involved with someone.

Now sluts in the media this is more difficult for me as I don’t pay much attention to the media in general. Obviously there is Dossie Easton who wrote the ethical slut I have to say I am pretty impressed with her right now. Alfred Kinsey and Clara Bracken McMillen had an open marriage which I find interesting along with his sexology studies. I have heard that Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer are reported to as well but I don’t know if that is in fact true.

Non monogamous characters are easy for me to think of some of my favourite non monogamous characters are from Laurell K Hamilton books where she shows some of the many issues non monogamy can cause but with very fantasy based characters, wolves, vampires, faeries and ancient gods being amongst my favourites. Amusingly Rita and Sue and Bob too always sticks in my head as possibly the first time I saw poly portrayed on tv but I don’t think it was a wonderful portrayal. Actually thinking about it one of the most healthy portrayals I have seen of poly was in elf quest books where several elves lifemate  with two others, these relationships were balanced, loving and dealt with jealous well. It comes up lots in the bible only frowned upon in certain instances which is interesting as the catholic church isn’t fond of poly.

Star trek has a few civilisations where poly is the norm, andorians have four person family units as standard not couples (they also have four sexes), denobulans have no concern for marital fidelity and it is mentioned more in the books which indicate that group marriage becomes legal on earth. Mollari in Babylon 5 had several wives but he loved non of them and is in love with his mistress, they were arranged marriages. I saw a poly relationship briefly on futurama. I may have just realised how geeky I am.

There are also lots of references to non monogamy in lots of ancient cultures and myths from the Greeks, romans, norse , egyptians, celts and many more.

Hundred happy days

Two weeks ago I started the hundred happy days challenge, to post a picture that made me happy everyday. I have found this really helpful as I started it two days after starting very nasty medical treatment and it is helping to remind me of all the happy things in my life even on difficult days. I have found myself with so many moments to pick from everyday it’s been amazing.

I wanted to compile the pics somewhere easier to look back at them so I decided I could pop them up here every two weeks.

Day 1 puppy kisses

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Day 2
Seems to have disappeared
Day 3 a beautiful sunny lake when we thought we were going to get soaked on today’s shoot. 

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Day 4 finding a new way to coat plastic guns, also translates to having geeky friends

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Day 5 guillermo del toro day with my wonderful husband

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Day 6 also disappeared (may have to compile more often)
Day 7 listening to the a life less lived goth box set and my son dancing to misfits

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Day 8 reading a graphic novel my lovely boyfriend lent me on the grass in the sunshine, even if I did end up with muddy knees

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Day 9 a day in the sun with my beautiful lady, we are drinking orange juice, sober and still look drunk

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Day 10
random impromptu night out with sister, husband, boyfriend and all the other lovely people at Dusk Till Dawn

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Day 11 so much to be happy about  I don’t even know where to start, lovely day with friends in the pub, bbq with friends in the evening, fire jam fun times at night. The delightful Victoria giving me beautiful shoes and letting me borrow her marvellous antlers. Julie  saying I am getting better at hooping and promising to make it happen by making me a belated birthday hoop to practice with. Seeing Matt  and his fire whips for the first time in ages. But the picture I will go with is still definitely the one from the day that makes me laugh most my tiny hands compared to the giant.

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Day 12 sitting on a hill with a friend at sunset just because we can. Thanks Katie for a lovely time.

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Day 13 taking a walk 5 minutes from my house

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Day 14 me and the boyfriend pulling ridiculous faces to cheer up Lil sis

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And that’s two weeks of happiness from me.