Today a lovely lady in the arndale toilets made me smile. Here’s the scene.
I step out of a cubicle. Shorts, off the shoulder slayer top, laddered tights, smudged eye make up, messy hair, remnants of a black eye (from my microdermals), slight neck bruise (from choking), slight limp and massive bruise showing out of the top of my top. Anyone who knows me sees this as kind of standard except for the limp but I never thought how it looked to the outside world.
So I go to wash my hands and more bruising shows as I lean forward. I catch a woman’s eye I smile at her a sleepy it’s too early to be in town smile. She strikes up a conversation, lovely friendly then she asks if everything is ok as I start to brush my hair. I laugh and say fine I was just too lazy to do my hair before leaving the house it was before 7 and I haven’t had enough sleep. I neaten my face pop some foundation on and fix my eye liner and she tells me it will be ok and I shouldn’t have to hide the bruises. I slowly realise she thinks I am being abused.
I calmly tell her I am not. She is so lovely and concerned without being at all pushy she tells me there are lots of places to get help if I am and asks me to take her number. I promise her I am ok. We talk for a minute and she comes to get a coffee with me as that’s where I was going anyway.
We sit down and talk and I explain that I really am not abused and all of my marks are consensual. She apologises and says how silly she feels but she just couldn’t not say anything. I tell her to never change that and that I think she should always talk to someone she thinks may be in trouble because one day they might really need it. We talk about kink and abuse and the differences. She tells me I have been really enlightening for her and she is glad she met me. I tell her that her genuine care and compassion has made my day brighter even if I didn’t need it. We hug and part ways. It’s an interesting start to the day…….
In the last couple of years I have been working on improving my self image. I am doing really well. I am so much more comfortable with myself. I have been doing really well with my photography and my modelling, I am even proud of how this blog is going.
I get messages about my photography on a regular basis and lots of people look at and like my pictures. I am at the point where I am generally happy with my finished pictures.
I am doing really well with my modelling and am now a sponsored model for a wonderful alternative clothing company. I posted a picture yesterday that got a lot of responses a couple of not so nice ones but so many lovely ones, it made me so glad I do this and made me remember why I started doing it which was to make art and feel good about myself. Here is the picture.
I used to hate my bum and am now happy enough to post it for the world to see.
So this is a thank you to everyone who has been supportive. You mean the world to me. Every nice comment and every like and if you don’t like it just click back and don’t look. If you feel the need to notify someone you don’t like what they are doing as a general rule just don’t.
Facts about me that may or may not be of interest to people who read my blog but may help it make more sense when I write from now on.
1. I am Belisana, I am a genderqueer, pan sexual, pagan, mother, feminist, polyamorous, bipolar, kinky, switchy, cat, alternative, photographer, model…….
2. I have one child, a boy of 10 who will be called monkey from this point on
3. I am married to a wonderful man, have been for 8 years and together for a couple more than that, now known as H
4. I have a lovely boyfriend of just 2 1/2 months, now known as bf
5. I have a relationship forming with a wonderful woman but I am not sure where it is going, now known as bob
6. I write because I like to and I don’t mind if no one or everyone reads it
7. I am active on the local kink scene
8. I have a beautiful chosen sister, now known as tink.
9. I love my cat ivy more than I apparently should
10. I love my friends and have lots of them
11. I am having extensive medical treatment, no I don’t want to talk about it
12. I love to party
13. I live very much for the moment
14. I would love to change the world
15. I can think of nothing worse than being normal
16. This is my seal of approval so don’t worry I don’t need anyone else’s