I should be happy. Life is pretty good. I recently found out I am not going to die from my blood disease. I have a beautiful husband and child. I just had an awesome weekend in beautiful places with my husband and sister, who also rocks.

None of it seems to matter my head hurts, I am bored, my life lacks direction, I don’t know what to do so I lack the motivation to do anything. I feel so lost. I can’t even find myself in my own head. My thoughts are spinning faster than I can keep track of yet I am depressed this is not how it usually works. I don’t know what to do with these feelings but I know I need to do something. I wonder what I should do with my life, where I should go from here.

I wonder if I will ever be able to go a week without questioning myself. I am so much better than I used to be but I have so far to go. I know I will never think quite like most people do but I am ok with that I don’t really want to be normal. I think I just want to be doing something………but what?


Poly for the old

Poly question

Do you think you will be poly when you are old? How would that work?

I think I will always be poly, it feels natural to me it is part of who I am. I don’t really know how it will work when I am old though because I struggle to picture being old at all. I don’t know how I will be when I am old I think I will have changed alot so my lifestyle will adapt also.

I know I will still be with my wonderful husband though and that we will be living however feels natural to us. I don’t know where my other relationships will be by then or if either of us will have met someone new to take into account. I can’t see into the future but I am looking forward to finding out how things will work.