Poly holiday season

This will be the first Christmas together for my poly family. I have always been poly but this is the first year it will make a difference to the festive season. So I thought I would make a daily record of how it’s going.

So far we have done a joint meat order of unusual meats for yule. We have decided when we will be visiting who and made basic plans. I have started making Christmas food and wrapping presents. Everything so far is going smoothly and there have been no troubles. Living in a poly household seems so much easier than the internet made me believe. Update for you all later.

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The Plan

On Friday I found out I might have to have more chemotherapy.

I was really secretive about it the first time round and most people didn’t know until the end of the treatment. I hated it I felt really alone but I didn’t want to let it interfere with my whole life so I kept it a secret. I tried to pretend everything was ok and I failed I was pushing myself too hard. The whole time was awful.

As you can imagine I don’t want to go through that again. I find out in two weeks what my test results are and what will be happening. I am scared. I have told more people about this than last time but I still feel alone. I am currently sat at home driving myself insane thinking about everything but at least I have my cat (I have lots of other beautiful people in my life but she’s the only one here).

I am planning for the worst. If my results are bad they will want me to start chemo on the 20th of December possibly and I will not be doing that. I have told my husband this. The 20th is Yule and I don’t want to ruin it. I also don’t fancy being sick other Christmas with a ten year old child. This is my first Yule/Christmas with my new slightly bigger family set up and I want to enjoy it as I don’t know when I will next be ok to plan anything.

I am going to spend the next month concentrating on making myself as healthy as possible for the coming treatment. I am looking for spiritual guidance in this so will be contacting a few people about alternative therapies etc.

I am also going to try and fit lots into the next month. I am not going to bury my head in the sand.

I am going to need lots of hugs though and probably a lot of coffee.

The boyfriend moving in

About 2 months ago my boyfriend moved in with me, my husband and our son. It’s been an interesting time for everyone. Before he moved in me nd my sister read lots of stuff online about poly families living together etc. It sounded terrible almost all the stuff I could find talked about the bad points, reasons it could fail and the amount of times it had fallen apart.

So I thought I would write this little piece to say it’s been great. I mean don’t get me wrong there have been teething problems but only the same kind as you get living with anyone new anyway like things being put back in the wrong place. It’s been awesome though.

Here is my list of wonderful things about living with both my partners.

1. I don’t have to pick who to spend time with everyday.
2. I can have film night with both of them and no one misses out on a good film.
3. More people to share tasks like washing up.
4. I love cooking big family meals and having more people around vastly improves that.
5. Getting a kiss goodnight from both of them.
6. Getting a kiss good morning from both of them.
7. Feeling incredibly loved.
8. No time wasted travelling back and forth between partners, also no travel cost and no babysitter needed.
9. My partners getting to know each other better.
10. Has to be said SEX when we want not when I can spare time to get over to see one partner.
11. Almost everything. Seriously it’s working for us.

Yay poly group living is working so far.

Pagan Pride

Firstly this was a wonderful event. Everyone I spoke to was lovely. It was suitable for all ages so I took my son. As it was a pagan event I obviously went with my husband and boyfriend them both being vikings. I only got a couple of funny looks for clearly being with both of them or maybe the looks were to do with the antlers, so I would say it was poly friendly I would say they were everything friendly I don’t think there is anyone who wouldn’t have been welcome. I am sure I saw it stated somewhere that you didn’t even have to be pagan just respectful.

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So we turned up at the starting point for the parade. As soon as we were off the tram people started talking to us, helping each other find exactly where we were going. There was a huge sense of community spirit which I have missed having not been to a pagan event for a while.  We easily found the rest of the parade mainly because from round the corner you could hear the delightful Esme getting everyone in the mood.  There were at least 100 people just gathered around talking, laughing and looking very happy. I saw some of the best outfits I had in ages, people had made a real effort there were fairies, robes, corsets, steampunk outfits, belly dancers and traditional period costumes amongst other things. I myself was dressed in green with antlers. The parade was great I think all in all there must have been several hundred people involved.
The people we passed in the street cheered and smiled and looked like they enjoyed seeing us pass by. It was lovely.

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Once in the park we saw loads of stalls, speaking tents, music in the band stand, an arts tent and a children’s area. There were so many talks, bands and dancers we really struggled to pick what we wanted to see. In the end we saw James J Turner who was a lovely way to start the day, then a little bit of Red Fire Ants who I thought were fantastic and had a really interesting sound. The first talk we went to was Taz Thornton-Clearwater- Remembering Our Forgotten Lands this was definitely mine and my sons favourite of the day. I love the animated way she speaks and the amount of passion she has for what she is talking to. We did some journeying during this session which all four of us got something from me and little one especially as the journeying involved local dragon spirits and that is something we have discussed before and he is very interested in. After the journeying we talked about our experiences and she really took what he had to say seriously which made him so happy and I really appreciate, although I do believe she was genuinely interested in what he had to say. He has talked of dragons to everyone since it has been pretty amazing.

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We also saw Barbara Meiklejohn-Free – The Power Of The Wise who did some more journeying which little one and the husband took part in and both definitely got something from. The last talk we saw was Dean Kirkland – Yggdrasil’s Road; Shamanism and The Northern Tradition which was interesting, recapped lots I already knew, which made me realise how much I have learnt about the northern tradition over the years and I learnt a few new things.  We also saw some of Way of the Wyrd Morris Dance, BlackPeacock BellyDance and Beatrice Flowers Tribal Bellydance who were all fantasic. We met The Dragon Keeper and Frazzles the dragon who sang for my son which made him very happy.

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There were so many stalls I am not sure I saw them all but I bought some lovely mead from The Lancashire Mead Company who gave tasters of everything so I could pick the ones I liked, I also bought a lovely new scrying bowl from The Green Man Pottery and a present for my sister Tink. There was so much I didn’t see and I will definitely be going again next year.

As if this wasn’t hard enough

There’s something a few people know and it really is only a few. It’s something that has been hard for me to tell anyone and even harder for me to deal with. I have a blood disorder aplastic anemia and it has entirely changed my life.

I found out on top of it I had Myelodysplastic Syndromes (MDS) which needed to be treated with chemotherapy, which would be extra difficult with my condition as both lower the amount of blood cells and platelets you have. I am now finished with the chemo, fingers crossed one test left. It has been a rough journey but lots of wonderful people have helped me along the way. I have wonderful friends, family and partners. I have met some great medical professionals, I honestly think they couldn’t have been better especially the poor nurse I emptied my stomach on during my first session.

So today the hardest part of it all happened someone close to me who I really care about, one of the few people I trusted to tell. Accused me of lying because I still have hair. I don’t still have all of my hair I shaved bits of it as they were the patches that were falling out, I cut it short and what’s left of it is much thinner but yes I am lucky to have some left. I am lucky that my wonderful doctor picked a chemo drug for me that doesn’t make all your hair fall out. I am lucky that I am still alive thanks to the wonderful doctors but I didn’t need this attitude it has broken my heart more than a little. So to anyone who thinks I would make a thing like this up I am adding a link to the drug I was being given where is specifically says you are unlikely to lose all your hair. Also fuck you.

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Cancertreatment/Treatmenttypes/Chemotherapy/Individualdrugs/Vinblastine.aspx

Yes all men

The last couple of days I have seen a lot of hash tags for #notallmen and #yesallwomen over some pretty serious issues. It got me thinking and today I thought #yesallmen are negatively affected by patriarchy. This is why for me feminism stands up for them too.

So yes all men:-

Have problems because the patriarchal ideal male should should be strong, dominant and invulnerable meaning they
-End up in dangerous situations because showing fear would be weak
-Deal with mental illness without help because emotional weakness is un manly
-Are more likely to commit suicide possibly due to this lack of help
-Seek medical help less often, so regularly make conditions worse
-Get pressured into doing risky things to prove their toughness
-Have violence aimed at them ignored
-Have less social services aimed at them and struggle to find the help they need in violent situations
-Feel they must be sole provider for their family even if they are sick or injured
-Feel they need to prove themselves with violence
-Are more likely to be seriously physically attacked but it isn’t portrayed that way in the media
-Can end up very lonely as they are not taught to relate to others
-Struggle if they do not have a dominant personality
-Do not feel they can form close friendships with females or non binary gendered people meaning they miss out on alot of awesome people they could have in their lives.
-Feel unloved by fathers because showing emotional attachments is a sign of weakness
-Don’t form as close connections to their children as the mothers do due to several patriarchal constraints
-Suffer from strained relationships due to inability to portray emotions
-Struggle to find the depth of friendship that women have
-Are not taught how to emotionally manage trauma in their lives so have less coping mechanisms
-Are considered lesser men if they don’t fit these ideals
-Are rejected by society if they don’t fit these ideals leading to insecurity, self hate, anxiety and stress which they feel they can not communicate to anyone as it will lessen their worth further
-Can’t take part in some hobbies without being seem as less than this ideal
-Feel very pressured to dress appropriately
-Don’t receive gifts in the same way that women do, are rarely bought flowers even though they may appreciate them
-Are perceived in a way that makes women less trusting of them
-Experience more financial stress within their family
-Are not getting as much time to connect with their children
-Are continually stero typed in degrading ways
-Miss out on important milestones in their children’s lives
-Are less welcome at children’s playgrounds
-Are found intimidating by women they don’t know making it more difficult to do simple things like ask for directions
-Are expected to make sure females get home safely even if this means taking a more dangerous route home themselves

These are just some of the negative effects of patriarchy on men so yes all men whether you like it or not and why I am can promise all the men in my life I am a feminist because I love them and they deserve better too.

Getting to know me

Facts about me that may or may not be of interest to people who read my blog but may help it make more sense when I write from now on.

1. I am Belisana, I am a genderqueer, pan sexual, pagan, mother, feminist, polyamorous, bipolar, kinky, switchy, cat, alternative, photographer, model…….
2. I have one child, a boy of 10 who will be called monkey from this point on
3. I am married to a wonderful man, have been for 8 years and together for a couple more than that, now known as H
4. I have a lovely boyfriend of just 2 1/2 months, now known as bf
5. I have a relationship forming with a wonderful woman but I am not sure where it is going, now known as bob
6. I write because I like to and I don’t mind if no one or everyone reads it
7. I am active on the local kink scene
8. I have a beautiful chosen sister, now known as tink.
9. I love my cat ivy more than I apparently should
10. I love my friends and have lots of them
11. I am having extensive medical treatment, no I don’t want to talk about it
12. I love to party
13. I live very much for the moment
14. I would love to change the world
15. I can think of nothing worse than being normal

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16. This is my seal of approval so don’t worry I don’t need anyone else’s